Lovely, Lovely Lola

Once upon a time, there was a girl. Her name was Lovely Lola. But then, you already know that. But she was indeed quite lovely, but not always the most brilliant girl in the world. (Lola's "namesake" should take no offense. She and Lola are QUITE different.) She loved College, and attended BYU (Big Yutz University). But there, she ran into some major problems. I mean, Major problems. She couldn't decide whether to Major in Underwater Basket weaving, or Lacrosse and Field Hockey education.

Feeling very lonely, and rather confused, she began calling her friends back home. Stan Q. Fitzhubert yawned at the question and said, "I am majoring in the physiology of the One-Horned-One-Eyed-Giant-Purple-People-Eater. That is SOOOO complicated you know, with that eye and all." She could offer no further help to Lola, seeing as she (Stan) had a term paper due on the subject of the O.H.O.E.G.P.P.E.'s personal hygiene habits in the wild (not in captivity). Lola sighed, and proceeded to call Wodin the Wise.

Wodin, after her unsuccessful attempt to attend the Big Yutz University, burst into tears at hearing Lola's voice, and was quite inconsolable. All she could get out was, "I w-w-want to be a y-y-y-Yutz!" Lola professed her condolences rather well, but hurriedly got off the phone, because Wodin's cries were rather shrill.

About to give up in despair and become an Early Education Major in spite of herself, Lola was very surprised to see a rather awkward, slightly obese New York Cabbie in a pink Tutu hanging over her bed. He had about a three-day's growth of dark stubble on his chin, and a cigarette dangled rather haphazardly from his lips. Lola was amazed.

"Whaddayawant?" The cabbie asked gruffly. Lola was too amazed to say anything just yet and so she just stared. The Cabbie looked rather pointedly at his watch and said, "Ya know, the meter's runnin. Ya bettah hurry up. I got other Fairy God-Cabbie Children to visit."

Lola was shaken from her stupor and said, "I need a major. Underwater basket weaving, or Lacrosse and field hockey education?"

The Cabbie said, "What do I look like? A guidance counselor?" and with a big puff of cigarette smoke, he disappeared.

Lola was in dire straits. She just then happened to look out the window, where she saw a Wombat. She shouted, "Eureka!" She had discovered her major: to study these elusive creatures of Australia. (Don't ask why there was a wombat in Utah. You don't want to know. Ok, I'll tell you. He was on vacation. With his Mother.)

Leaping with joy, Lola grabbed the Wombat, and went off to declare her major. Then she whispered to the Wombat, "Remember, when you chose a major yourself, don't ask the burly security guard for his opinion. He will just smear your face with pudding."

And that was that.