London Calling

O thou patient fans of Friedrick and Fluff, yonder awaits a newly crafted tale for your enjoyment. Proceedeth thou hence.

Once upon a time, two tenacious teddy bears lived with Jeanette and her sister, Wodin the Wise. Well, this may come as a shock to some of you, but Wodin was obsessed with England. She was constantly talking about the beautiful British Isles and bemoaning the fact that she was not there. So she decided to go there. She was ever so excited and could hardly wait for the day she could board the plane. After the fiasco in attempting to get the passport (let us never speak of it again), she believed that all would proceed smoothly. Let us take you to the midst of the story as it unfolds…

June 15, 2002

Wodin was ever so excited. She was going to London, to become Wodin the Wiser! Well, she wasn’t really going to change her name, but she thought it would really be more of a character change. Not that the character of Wodin is going to change really anytime soon, but you get the idea. Whew. Back to the gist of the story, which hasn’t really started yet.

Let’s try again: Wodin was going to London!

“Pack plenty of Underwear!” Mommy Wise suggested.

“Don’t forget your toilet plunger!” said Jeanette.

“Do you have your Passport?” Daddy Wise questioned.

“Remember that England is a dangerous country filled with wild boars as well as roaming lions, tigers and bears!” cautioned Friedrick.

“Oh, my!” added Fluff.

In spite of all of this wonderful advice, Wodin was completely oblivious. She was packing some of the silliest things: rope, tape recorder, plastic socks, and a book on Wombats of the South Australian Outback! Silly Wodin! She should have packed her book on Northern Scottish Wombats, commonly known as the Roaming Haggis, Latin name Romus haggisus. Apparently, she wasn’t thinking. Evidence of this was that she only packed twenty rolls of film. And that she nearly forgot an umbrella. Helllooo! McFly! This is London we are talking about. No umbrella? Wodin was clearly addled in the head. However, she was packed two weeks before she even had to arrive at the airport, and she realized she had packed all of her clothing. All of it. Oh dear. So, she had to unpack so she would have clothes to wear for two weeks until she had to leave (But it also gave her a chance to remedy her earlier packing errors).

Other than these small mistakes (“Anyone could make these mistakes,” Fluff consoled her), Wodin was well prepared and thoroughly excited to be on her way to the Australian Outback! Whoops, I mean, the Wilds of Africa. Aside: What do you mean she isn’t going to Africa? Well, Smarty-pants, why don’t YOU write the story? Ahem. Where were we? Ah, yes: right here.

July 4, 2002 (Thursday)

Finally, after weeks of contemplation, daydreaming, longing, and wistful sighing, Wodin was at last off to the great Great Britain!

Her flight was unimaginably boring, yet she could not sleep seeing as the flight attendants thought she needed more honey roasted peanuts, and kept throwing little packets of them at Wodin. Or maybe the flight attendant threw them because she was vindictive and bitter. Either way, Wodin had an overabundance of little peanut packets. Twenty minutes before landing, Wodin gathered the packets in her arms, walked down the aisle to the on flight toilet (or loo, as they say in England!) and flushed them all! Or, at least, she attempted to. Seeing as this toilet was not connected to any sort of network, it simply clogged, and the peanuts could not be flushed. The toilet overflowed, and Wodin ran away before anyone could accuse her of making the mess. Whew! At least she didn’t get caught.

July 5, 2002 (Friday)

Wodin arrived fairly alert, but she walked out of the airport to see rain. “Why did I leave home?” she asked. “I could have seen rain at home!” (Following this, there was a rather nasty encounter with customs, which we will not describe here, seeing as it was very humiliating for all involved. Just know that Wodin was almost banned from England. Banned from England! The birthplace of the Bee Gees!)

She shrugged and was led by a guide named Warren (true story!) to her abode. As she was unpacking, whom did she happen to find stuffed in her luggage but Fluff! She had hitched a ride! Wodin’s plastic socks were stuffed in her mouth (apparently a result of transatlantic jostling) and as soon as Wodin liberated her, Fluff spat them out. She had been turning quite blue, but her fur slowly returned to its normal, Fluffy, white state.

“Do you know how long I was in there?” she growled.

Wodin began to count on her fingers, “One, two, seven….Sixteen hours?”

Fluff merely grrrowled and rrrroufled in response. Wodin understood her guess to be accurate.

The day was long. They had traveled for many, many hours, and they were worn out. They then tramped around the area they were staying, although the fatigue almost made them fall over while they were on Finchley Road (“Finchley!” harrumphed Fluff. “I hate birds!”). Finally, it was the going-to-bed time. However, Wodin needed to be showered, dressed, and fed by 10 am the following morning to take her already paid for tour of (drumroll!) London! Wodin looked at her clock, carefully set it for 8 am the next day, and turned off her lights and settled down for a long winter’s nap… er, I mean, she went to bed.

As she slept, she slept peacefully, losing track of all time, forgetting her body clock was in a period of adjustment. Suddenly, she awakened at the slam of a door. Wodin sat up in bed. It was light outside. What time was it? She grabbed her clock. 9:30! Her alarm had not gone off! She would be late to the bus! She shook Fluff awake and whispered, “We have no time! We must be off!” Fluff mumbled, “Peanut butter, peanut butter!” and rolled back into bed and snuggled down. Wodin didn’t notice; she was too busy trying to put her jeans on over her pajama bottoms. She also put toothpaste on her hairbrush and ran it through her hair, and then she sprayed her teeth with hairspray and she put her socks on her hands and tried tying her shoes. Poor Wodin! She was in such a dither! She dashed out of her room in a panic and crashed into a girl coming from the communal bathroom. The girl looked at Wodin and her unusual coiffure very strangely. Wodin panted and looked at her watch. “Don’t we need to be at the bus?” she panted. The girl looked at her in a manner stranger still. Wodin rolled her eyes and continued, “You know, for the city tour of (drumroll!) London?” The girl stopped looking at her strangely and merely burst out laughing.

“Oh, Hon!” she exclaimed in a Kentucky accent, “That’s not until tomorrow morning!”

It was Wodin’s turn to look at someone strangely (she gets this opportunity so infrequently that she made it good). “Tomorrow?”

Kentucky Girl nodded and said, “It’s still Friday!”

Wodin looked at her watch again. Sure enough, there was a little tiny “pm” on it, and the light in her window was there because the sun had not set yet. Wodin felt very sheepish. She thanked Kentucky Girl, and returned to her room to the sleeping Fluff. Wodin removed the socks from her hands, rinsed the toothpaste from her hair in her sink, and returned to bed. Fluff rolled over in her sleep and muttered, “That’s what you get for dancing upon the Tower of London in knickers.”

“You said it,” Wodin acquiesced.

Thank you folks, and that is all for this week’s edition of “Wodin in London!” Stay tuned for next week’s unnecessary venture to Stonehenge and the wackiness that occurs when Fluff accidentally knocks down 4,000 year old Sarsen stones! Until next time, remember to floss your teeth, or you could end up looking like an Englishman!

Brought to you by English Muffins, the English horn, scones, and the letter ‘E’.


Be careful with those Sarsen Stones, Fluff!