Another Wedding

Well, once again it is the time for Lovely Lola to sojourn into the worlds of friendships and strangeness. Of all the strangest things, Masked Mal was getting married to her own true love. And Lola was her own true Maid of Honor! Stan, Wodin, and Claudette were all bridesmaids. Claudette, having gone through the process of marriage once before, was glad that it was Mal, not her, that was getting married. “Besides,” she shrugged, “Confused Chris might object.”

As the date of the wedding approached closer and closer, Mal became more and more frantic. She found that the more she tried to think about things, the more she forgot. She even forgot to go to her own Wedding shower! (She made it, but only because Lola showed up at her home and said, “I am here to take you to your oh-so-lovely party!” Mal did not disclose to her the fact that she had even forgotten that she was going. But she went so as not to hurt Lola’s feelings.) Anyhow, she was close to panic, because her wedding was to be the most wonderful event of the century, yet she had no theme for her wedding! “Claudette had a Friedrick and Fluff themed wedding! That was so clearly superb, that I cannot think of anything else to top that!” And she began to wail. She simply sank to the floor in utter desperation. And the wedding was only three days away! As she lay there crying, Suddenly, who should appear—you guessed it!—Fluff. Fluff pulled Mal’s head into her lap, and said, “There, there, tell Auntie Fluff, What’s the matter?” Mal suddenly looked up at Fluff, and said, “Auntie Fluff? Where did THAT come from?” Fluff bared her teeth oh-so sweetly, and said, “Listen, sweetie, If you want help, I’m here, okay?”

So Mal told Fluff all of her problems about being unable to find a suitable theme for her wedding, and then into how the wedding was a mere three days away, and how her dress was still being altered, and how the shoes were the wrong color white, and how the bridesmaid’s dresses were two different colors (whoops, that was no mistake, that was on purpose!) and how the cake was not confirmed yet, because there was an exotic ingredient missing, and…. The list continued on and on. There was no end to the list. It went on into infinity. There were so many problems, that Fluff screamed. At her scream, who should appear but our friendly neighborhood New York Fairy God-Cabby Merv! Of course, he was three feet off the ground, floating gently in midair, a cigar clenched tightly in the corner of his mouth, with three days’ growth of stubble on his chin, and wearing his world-renowned pink fluffy tutu. “Whaddaya want?” Merv growled, tapping is foot on… Well, nothing. He was in the air. But regardless, he was still tapping his foot. Mal looked up at him and began to speak, and Merv cut her off with a, “Not You, HER!” as he nodded to Fluff. Fluff stuck her tongue out at Mal, and began to rant and rave. “She keeps talking about all of these problems to do with her wedding, but there is no way I can possibly know what she wants me to do about it, much less fix the problems!” Merv nodded his head knowingly. “Tell me about it,” he grumbled. “I get that all the time. So whaddaya want ME to do about it?” Fluff thought for a moment, and suddenly an evil smile came to her face. She whispered her evil thought into Merv’s ear, and an evil smile spread across his face. Until Fluff said, “But we can’t do that after all; there simply isn’t enough pudding in the world for that.” And Merv’s face fell. He scuffed his toe on the… Well, he would have scuffed it on the ground, had he been close enough, but instead, he just looked silly. (Well, what was to be expected from a cab driver that wears a tutu? Although, I am told that this is not that unusual in New York. However, moving on…) Then Merv had a brilliant idea. He whispered it to Fluff, who whispered it to Mal, whose wail of sobs ceased. A slow smile crept across her face, and she said, “Why, yes, that is a lovely idea!” And all was well…

The day of the wedding arrived, and the whole guest list, including Groom and Maid of Honor, had no idea what the theme would be for the wedding. Everyone began to speculate about Mal’s wedding. All Mal’s sweetie knew was that he was to wear a kilt, with a dagger in his socks. Mal gave special instruction to each member of the wedding party, along with a secret garment bag. In the secret garment bag there was a special outfit for each of the party members, and each was to keep their costume a secret from all the rest. First, Friedrick and Fluff danced down the aisle in Toreador and Flamenco costumes, respectively as ring bearer and flower girl. Then, Lola weaved herself down the aisle in an outfit that rivaled that of Carmen Miranda, the lady who wore the fruit on her head. Lola was impressive, except for the fact that she had taken a bite from one of the wax fruit on her head (it had simply been too inviting). Then Wodin flounced through the church in an outfit that looked remarkably like the Swiss Miss. She even had braids, and a sappy smile (she just loved weddings). Stan was next, and she grumpily clomped down the aisle in a Japanese Kimono. She was unhappy because she had had to wear the shoes that went with the outfit, and she felt that it would have been much better if she had been allowed to wear her sneakers, but Mal wouldn’t have it. Then Claudette walked down the aisle wearing a Hawaiian grass skirt and Hawaiian print shirt. Stan was jealous, because Claudette was allowed to wear no shoes at all. Finally it was the big moment. Mal had known what all of the attendants were wearing, but none of them knew what she was wearing. As she appeared, a gasp went through the audience: she was wearing a beautiful Indian Sari. Mal smiled serenely, and walked down the aisle, looking sweetly at her husband to be, who was still frowning at having to wear a skirt. The minister (dressed as an African tribesman) began the ceremonies, and Mal was soon wed. At the reception, Lola was still confused. “Dear Mal,” she whispered, “was your theme ‘The Countries of the World?’” Mal looked at her in surprise and said, “No! The theme was to use all of the outfits that Merv has had to use over the years in all of the places he’s had work as a Fairy God Cabby. I suppose the theme was ‘Outfits by Merv.’” Lola’s eyes opened widely and her mouth dropped in shock. “You… you… you mean to s-s-say that this dress was once worn by MERV!?!” Mal smiled and nodded. Lola ran away screaming, something about having to change and shower, but Mal just shrugged and said to her hubby, “I guess we should have all danced in a vat of pudding.” To which he wisely replied, “Yes, and then set the flowers on fire.”

And that was that.