Lovely Lola Graduates

Well, was Lola ever so surprised. She was finally graduating from Big Yutz University, with a degree in Wombat Studies and a minor in the Australian dialect. She was absolutely delighted. Her time at the Olympics with Friedrick and Fluff had helped to hone her skills as both a wild wombat handler and as a translator of Australian for confused Americans with her solid grasp of the Australian language. But she was finally graduating, and that was all that mattered. She invited all of her best friends and family. Lovely Mom and Dad were just oh-so-proud of their darling daughter, and were pleased as punch that she was graduating. Perhaps she would go into a zoo, or perhaps become the speechwriter for the Confederation of Wombats (Known as C.O.W.). C.O.W. was involved in stopping Wombat slavery and preventing the illegal migration, immigration, and deportation of wombats around the world. Of course, this mostly just applied in Australia, because, after all, how many other countries have native wombats? Exactly. That is my point. Anyway, back to the graduation…

Lola was just simply THRILLED to be graduating, but I think we went over that already. Anyhow, Masked Mal, Klepto Karl, Claudette the Crazy, and Confused Chris all went to the graduation. Wodin wanted to, but she was stuck in Oregon, being forced to endure the rigors of studying and so forth. It was much the same with Stan, poor girl. Friedrick and Fluff, however, were pleased to be able to attend. They were especially touched that they had been invited, particularly after the Engagement Party debacle. But we won’t speak of that, will we? (At least someone had been kind enough to free Lola from her position by the fireplace.)

The day of Graduation had arrived. The proud family came to watch Lola walk in the ceremony and receive an empty folder, of which she could be exceedingly proud. So, the family sat in the front row. Every member had a camera or a camcorder in his or her hand. Each wanted to record the special day in their own way. Lola’s Lovely Mom even had a tape recorder, so as to record the moment when Lola’s name was announced. Isn’t that sweet? Friedrick and Fluff were specially prepared with confetti to throw at Lola as she walked by.

So the graduates entered the hall, and the commencement began. A woman spoke. For a very long time. And then a rather lovely gentleman spoke, for another very long time. Lola became impatient. She wanted her diploma! Mal was leaning back in her seat with her eyes glazed over. Lovely Mom had almost slipped into a coma, and Lovely Dad had begun to drool from the corner of his mouth. Poor Parents! Karl was looking for something to… um… borrow (he was bored! And he’d give it back, of course!), and Chris was leaning on Claudette’s shoulder, snoring. Claudette would have woken him, except that she was also sleeping, and every few breaths, she would snort. But the speakers paid no heed to these blatant displays of boredom in the front row. Friedrick and Fluff were incensed. They were tired of silly speakers. This latest one was talking about the time when he had to go to college by walking uphill, both ways, in ten feet of snow, with large alligators at his heels, and enormous falcons trying to attack him from the sky. But yet, he managed to survive. And that means that all you young ’uns…. I mean, Um… So sorry. Didn’t mean to quote verbatim… Where was I? Ah, yes.

So, Friedrick and Fluff whispered for some minutes to one another, and Lola feared what their actions would be. Fluff wanted to sling pudding at the speaker, and Friedrick wanted to tap-dance upon his head. They argued rather intensely for some minutes, until they came to a compromise: they would tap-dance in the pudding. So, they began to dance in the pudding (which was rather messy, mind you), and Lola was quite mortified, though not as mortified that she would have been if the two tenacious teddy bears had tap-danced upon the forehead of the college president. The bears, once again after some minute’s discussion, decided that this was getting them nowhere. So they ceased tap-dancing, and began yodeling instead. Lola, humiliated, slouched in her seat. But the droning speaker didn’t even notice the bears. Eventually, the bears finished, as did the speaker, and finally, it was time for the names to be announced!

“Alexis Abernathy…” And Alexis Abernathy received her diploma. “Albert Abner…” And Albert received his. And so the list of names wore on until the name of George Lewis was read, and Lola was ready.

“Lovely Lola …” And Lola crossed the platform to receive her diploma. Lola received her diploma without incident, and she grinned broadly for her family and friends in the first row. Her Lovely Dad whistled—quite loudly. And Lola was proud. And many pictures were taken. And Lola was happy. Afterwards, Fluff approached Lola solemnly and said, “Yodeling with pudding on your feet does not make strange men stop talking.” Lola agreed and whispered, “Next time, tap dance upon his head, and perhaps he will dance in the pudding with you.” And all were happy, and that was that. (Except for the perilous drive home, where the family would have to brave the roving bands of Big Hair. Hey! It is Utah!)