The Campaign Continues in a Hairy Direction

Sit down, buckle up, and hold on to your shears, because here we go!

Stan Q. Fitzhubert was a master hairdresser. She had been going to Beauty School for several months now, and she felt that she was ready for the "Big Time" as far as hair cutting was concerned. For a day or so she considered trying to find a job in the great state of Utah, where the Big Hair roams, but she quickly dismissed that idea because she was afraid of people with very large hair. It reminded her of a very large animal that had tried to attack her once and... Well, I am sure that Stan does not want us to go into the ugly details of her run in with Chewbacca the Wookie (although Fluff was mightily jealous). Where was I? Oh Yes. Right here:

Stan had graduated from Tammy Faye's House-O-Beauty D-Lux School for the Cosmetically Inclined. Stan's illustrious tenure at the T.F.H.O.B.D.L.S.C.I. had been most wonderful, seeing as she had the opportunity to study under the tutelage of Tammy Faye herself! However, Stan moderated many of Tammy's outrageous styles to make them more… uh… no… less tacky. However, Tammy was furious at Stan for trying to "decrease the dramatic effect I have on people" (so said Tammy) by applying make-up with only a small trowel, instead of the snow shovel that was standard issue with enrollment at T.F.H.O.B.D.L.S.C.I. Seeing as that impinged upon the Stan-Tammy relationship, Stan was lucky to graduate at all, but graduate she did! And now she was ever so excited to put her newly learned skills to use.

She pondered and pondered what path she should take next. She read somewhere about a Mongolian princess needing a hairdresser. Unfortunately, when she called to apply, the job had already been taken by her top rival at T.F.H.O.B.D.L.S.C.I. Dejected and forlorn, Stan sat down on the curb outside her home and began to twirl her hair in her fingers. A large tear splattered on the ground. Suddenly, over her head, appeared Merv, the Fairy God-Cabby in a cloud of perm solution fumes! Stan was slightly confused. She had never believed her friend Lola when she had talked about a Fairy God cabby, so she was shocked to see this strange, overweight, stubble-faced, cigar smoking cabby floating oddly over her head.

"Whaddaya want?" he growled in a nasal New York accent.

Stan was at first too stunned to say anything, until she stammered, "Um. you shouldn't be smoking around chemicals, like perm solution."

The cabby waved away the smoke coming from his mouth and sneered, "Says WHO?"

Stan felt the anger rising in her. "I DO!" yelled Stan, as she yanked the foul cigar from Merv's mouth and ground it out on the sidewalk.

Merv, for the first time, was taken aback. He was astounded. "Hey! That was my Cigar! From Cuba!"

"So?" shrugged Stan. "They're illegal anyhow. So are you going to give me a wish or what?"

Merv was fairly intimidated by Stan at this point, so he said, "Yeah, sure, whatevvah yeh want. Tell me quick. This suburban neighborhood is givin' me the creeps," Merv shivered.

Stan thought for a moment: She could wish for a job, but most likely Merv would set her up with something crappy. Since she didn't want to risk that, she blurted out the next idea that came into her mind: "I want to visit Lola!"

Merv winced, and then rolled his eyes. "I shouldda known it. Everything comes back to Lola if yeh let it. Hold on tight, kid."

And with a giant POOF, Stan found herself in Lola's apartment! And Lo and Behold, whom should she see there but Friedrick and Fluff! Lola was excited to see Stan, and ran over to give her a hug. Stan told Lola (who is very sympathetic) the whole story.

Just as she was finishing, Stan noticed Fluff giving her a scrutinizing look. "You'll do,” stated Fluff.

"Do for what?" asked the bewildered Stan.

"I need a hairdresser for the campaign. You're hired. I looked up your credentials on the internet while you were talking."

Stan could hardly believe her good fortune! Her eyes were shining as she uttered, "Yes! Oh yes!"

Friedrick piped up with "And don't forget that I like the Little Mermaid when I drink Soda Pop!" Fluff nodded and added, "Yes, and I just love pink grasshoppers!"

And that was that.