The 2000 Election... and Holland

Wodin was hot. Hot and tired. She was advanced into the second week of her school term, and her studying was hindered by the heat. It was 100 degrees outside (most heavily based upon a true incident) and Wodin was roasting. What was a Wise One to do? Wodin sighed. Wodin moaned. Wodin protested loudly. She even stamped her feet and huffed a GREAT deal. But all to no avail. The heat was there to stay.

Just as Wodin was about to spontaneously combust, she thought of a great idea: she could flush herself to Big Yutz University and visit Lola! She was sure to have cooler weather there! Wodin extracted her "Friedrick’s Guide to Flushing" (Edited by Fluff, of course) from her book shelf and flipped to chapter three. There, Wodin had highlighted the paragraph on "How to Aim your Flush to Specific Residences." (The previous paragraph was all about how to narrow your trip to certain cities, and the one before that was how to travel to Czechoslovakia, which though it doesn’t exist, helps get the general point across. Who ever said Fluff was a good editor?) Wodin carefully re-read the instructions, and then realized she had been holding the book upside down, so she had to re-read them all over again. What a Noodle head! By the time she was all straightened out, Wodin was so hot she pondered frying sausage upon her burning forehead, but decided she didn't want the grease to drip in her eyes.

"Well," shrugged Wodin, "Geronimo-o-o-o-o-o-!" Wodin jumped in and flushed. What Wodin next saw was quite a shock: Lola’s apartment, as well as Lola and Friedrick and Fluff! Wodin was flabbergasted! Fluff was her hero! Wodin dropped to her knees and began to bow down to Fluff and say, "O Master, how may I be of service?"

Fluff might have enjoyed and taken advantage of the situation had she not been so busy. So she looked at Wodin and rolled her eyes, saying, "You are not the pudding slave. Get up." Wodin immediately obeyed, of course, and Lola hugged Wodin Oh-so tightly. She then acquainted Wodin with all of the aspects of Friedrick and Fluff’s campaign for President.

Overwhelmed with a sense of excitement and awe, Wodin Reverently asked, "May I help with the campaign?" Fluff beamed, and Friedrick grunted (he was trying to get a sticky bit of Bit-O-Honey from his paw).

Lola shrieked and exclaimed, "You’re in! Mmmphmmkmymrt." The last part of her sentence was rather unintelligible, for Lola was trying to hide the conditions that might hinder her friend’s acceptance into the group. "What was that you said?" inquired Wodin.

Embarrassed, Lola quickly said, "Youcanonlyjoinifyouhelpuswithourforeignrelations."

Wodin beamed. She was an EXPERT with foreign relations! She clasped Lola’s hand and Fluff’s paw and joyfully exulted, "Of course! I can come up with ANYthing!" Fluff and Lola withdrew their hands from Wodin’s, and looked at one another doubtfully.

It was a moment before Lola spoke up. "You see, the other candidates, Jorge Q. Shrub and Cal Bore, have mocked Friedrick and Fluff for their lack of Global Political knowledge, especially about Holland (I am sure you have heard about the terrible trade scandal two weeks ago) and that Fluff has not yet issued a statement regarding their stance on the issue."

Wodin rubbed her chin and pondered. (It was times like these that she almost wished she had a beard!) Her eyes sparkled. "I have just the item!" Wodin cleared her throat and began:

"With Belguim and Luxembourg to the south, and Germany to the east,
The Netherlands produces tulips, beer, and sugar beets.
The weather there is cool, wet and mild.
The rivers Schedle, Meuse and Rhine are rather wild.
The official language there is Dutch,
And with half below sea level, dikes and windmills are used very much.
Now, dear friends, I must confess,
My poetry is not the best,
But I have tried to write a poem,
About the facts, as I know ’em."

When Wodin had finished, she bowed and took the applause of the two bears and Lola as adequate praise of her impromptu poem. Fluff whispered, "It’s perfect!" Lola quickly wrote the poem down and called for a press conference. In thirty minutes, the media had gathered in the Wilmont Center on the Big Yutz Campus, and all eagerly awaited news of "F&F’s" political statement. Fluff and Friedrick stood up and alternated speaking the lines, which flowed from their lips like sweet honey. After the recitation had finished, there was a moment of silence before the buzz of questions began.

"Ms. Fluff, you say that those are the facts as you know them. Are there any others that the American Public are unaware of?" Fluff smiled sweetly and said nothing as the barrage continued. "Mr. Friedrick, Sir, could you explain the bit about the dikes again? The American Public wishes to have you expound upon that vague statement. Does this mean you are going to advocate the use of dikes here in the United States if you are elected?" Friedrick licked his fingers (there was still some Bit-O-Honey stuck upon them). "Ms. Fluff…"

"That will be all of the questions for now," Lola abruptly ended the interview session. "Personal interviews will be granted upon a first come first serve basis in the order that you arrange with me, the publicist." With that, Lola herded the Bears and Wodin off of the platform and into a waiting Dodge mini-van (they didn’t have the funds for a Limousine because their Campaign Funds were running a little low). The Van sped away in the midst of a crowd of reporters trying to ask more questions and television news crews capturing every last bit of footage. Lola squealed with girly delight, and screamed at Wodin, "It was a hit! Your poem was a hit!" Wodin averted her eyes and blushed bashfully. "Aww, shucks. Twern’t nuthin’, Little Lady,"she drawled and lightly slugged Lola¹s shoulder. When the entourage arrived back in Lola's Apartment, Wodin’s face became downcast.

When asked what was wrong she said sadly, "I have to go. My work here is done (that, and I have classes at 8 a.m. tomorrow morning)." They all begged her not to leave, but Wodin could not be persuaded to stay. Wodin climbed into the commode and forlornly flushed. She arrived back in her own home with little damage, but very satisfied with all she had accomplished. "I have become a giant in the gymnastics finals!" she said gleefully, and skipped on her merry way, no longer feeling the heat of the day.

Thank you for tuning in to this edition of "Lovely Lola goes bananas." Be sure to watch next time when Lola throws a pie into a candidate’s face!