Claudette's Wedding, Pt 2: The Wedding and its Disasters!

Claudette was ever so excited. Her nuptials were ever nearing, and her plans were falling into place. She had even found a surprise minister to preside over the terrific ceremony. Friedrick and Fluff (close friends of Wodin the Wise and her younger sister Jeanette-the one who used to make Friedrick and Fluff scrub toilets--don't ask) had graciously agreed to attend, and even participate in, The Wedding. Claudette the Crazy was tremendously excited that the two famous bears were going to be the ring bearer and Flower girl for The Wedding. She had ordered the bear-sized Tux for Friedrick and the poofy, taffeta and organza dress for Fluff.

Unfortunately, Fluff (who has an impaired sense of style, or at least Claudette thinks so) thought the dress was hideous, especially in Salmon pink and Vivid orange. But we all know that Claudette has impeccable taste, and Fluff was just jealous that she was not getting married to her love of all loves: Chewbacca. ("He's so strong! And handsome to boot!" Fluff once said.) Anyhow, because Fluff loves Claudette she agreed to wear the dress. And all was right with the world. Confused Chris was spending most of his time preparing his honeymoon gift for his intended: a mass game of Friedrick and Fluff Virtual Reality Space Tag. He was so careful about keeping it a secret. He felt VERY sneaky. But Claudette felt she was being ignored. She felt this was no way to plan a wedding.

One night, shortly before The Wedding, she sat on her bed and cried. Fluff, who heard the despairing sobs coming from the room, entered and asked Claudette what was wrong. "M-m-my darl-ling C-c-c-confused Chrisss!" she wailed. "He is ig-ignoring meeee!" She buried her head in her pillow.

Fluff (who knew ALL about the Surprise for The Wedding) patted Claudette on the shoulder and said, "There, there. At least YOU aren't in love with an unapproachable Wookie! Be grateful that Chris is only peeling beans in the shed." Claudette was very comforted by these reassuring words (Fluff is VERY helpful like that) and skipped off to try on her nearly finished wedding dress, again.

It was the day of The Wedding. Claudette was so nervous, she felt as though she would hurl. Luckily, her sister Lola and friend Masked Mal were there to reassure her and hold a bucket, just in case. Wodin the Wise was too busy arranging the flowers, and Stan was fuming over her bridesmaid dress (like Fluff, she felt they were hideous, but Claudette has absolutely WONDERFUL taste, so it must be just in their minds). But, eventually the time came for The Wedding to begin, but it was doomed from the start.

As we all know, Claudette had retained a Surprise Minister. This surprise minister happened to be Wayne Newton! And, if you know your Friedrick and Fluff history, you know that Wayne once had an, um, Encounter with the little bears, and has ever since been petrified of them. In fact, he had once been institutionalized at the sight of them. As the ring bearer and Flower girl began to walk down the aisle, Wayne saw immediately who they were. As they walked slowly toward him, he became increasingly agitated, until he finally burst by saying, "IT'S THEM!!! The LITTLE BEARS!!! Helllp Meee!" Wayne ran away, tearing his hair out. Claudette looked like she was about to cry. Fortunately for her, Fluff had a license to officiate weddings, so The Wedding was not decimated. Fluff climbed into the cockpit of her x-wing, and flew of to meet with Yoda to train to become a Jedi... oh, wait, that's Fluff's fantasy, not Claudette's. Sorry. Where was I? HERE: The procession proceeded as normal, minus one flower girl. As the happy couple approached the altar, Fluff beamed at them.

"Do you both promise to shove cake up one another's nose at the reception?" Claudette and Chris looked at one another with glee, and simultaneously nodded.

"Are you willing to love and cherish and all of that other good stuff?" Again, the couple said yes.

"Do you both agree that Chewbacca is the handsomest creature in the universe?" Claudette and Chris looked confused, and Fluff snapped out of her stupor: "I mean, strike that. Do you both agree that … Oh crap. I forgot what I was saying. Forget it. Let's get to the good part: Kiss the bride, and I now pronounce you Wookie and Bear, I mean, Husband and Wife." With a lovely kiss, Claudette and Chris were married, and all was good. And that was that. The end.

P.S. Claudette LOVED her Honeymoon Surprise.

(Theme music. Credits. Fade out.)